Yesterday, I found out a convicted pedophile has been hanging out with kids of family friends. Now I find myself with this awful dilemma. Do I tell them? It sounds so simple when written in that one sentence. But it’s so much more complex than that. You know this strange beast called Facebook? Weird things can happen. Like yesterday, I peruse my newsfeed, I see a friend’s post, I read it. Then, I see a name! A person tagged by my friend. What’s if it’s the same person?! I click on the tagged person, and I see. It’s him. The pedophile. But wait. On his profile, I see the son of another family friend, the two of them, hanging together. My mind screams, “What are you doing with him!? Do you know?”
So I call my own family member who was more involved with the situation when it all blew up the first time, who was close to the family of the original victims. It’s confirmed. Same person. He was convicted, but copped a plea; got off without prison time. Moved away for a while. But his victims, they couldn’t get away from it. Ever. My own children hear me on the phone, and when I tell my husband about it, asking, “What should I do?,” my kids say, “Wait, Mom, we know them. We went to school with them.” They've seen that person, his posts, those friendships. I think of the kids of my friends. They clearly (via Facebook) have an ongoing, in-person (as in off of Facebook) relationship. Who am I to cause strife there? Who am I to pass judgment, to share information? What about grace, forgiveness, rehabilitation? What about statistics? Recidivism? Inability to reform, or refusal to get help? What about innocence lost, the victims, the children??? I can discretely meet with my friends, the parents, and I can say, “Do you know? Is everything okay?” Or I can say to myself, “That’s none of my business. Who am I?” The cost may be high. I might offend them greatly. I might scare them. I might ruin that friendship. I might ruin their friendship with that person. I might be totally out of my mind to even consider meddling. I might let something continue that shouldn’t because it is none of my business. I don’t know. I’m seeking wisdom. I’m praying and meditating, asking "What should I do? "
6 Comments
Macee
6/5/2016 08:15:07 am
Wow! What a conundrum! As I was thinking about this situation, I decided this is a situational call. I would definitely be praying also about what to do. I felt convicted to share with you that if you decide to say something allow the mind battle you've been fighting to be seen. Show your vulnerability and that your friend's safety was your utmost concern. Maybe start conversation with a prayer... Where He is present...
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Cheri
6/5/2016 02:54:00 pm
Thanks Macee! Very thoughtful counsel. I appreciate you. :)
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Mikala
6/6/2016 01:03:21 am
Um... I would like to know?! Better safe than sorry.
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Colleen
6/6/2016 05:45:51 am
Tell the parents... If it was you in that situation with your small children wouldn't you want to know? If it was you and someone knew and didn't tell you, how would you feel? What would be easier to live with? Warning them and advocating for small children and losing a friendship, or keeping your mouth shut and having something happen to those innocents? Much evil is done in this world because of people "minding their own business". It is the family's choice if they cut ties or not, but it is your responsibility to speak truth and bring light to a potentially dangerous situation.
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Colleen
6/6/2016 06:02:41 am
A "rehabilitated" pedophile would be registered as a sex offender and up front about their past and stay away from kids. That is was that kind of rehabilitation looks like. Not putting them self in the company of children again. Like a true recovering alcoholic doesn't go into a bar or liquor store. Your kids don't see the damaged side of this person, nor do they have enough experience, wisdom, or a parental view point to even comprehend the magnitude of the situation. You seriously should tell this family. If it were me and something DID happen to my kid and I found out you knew, that would be incomprehensible & severe our relationship for good- and a child would be permanently damaged. You can't undo that, but it could be prevented. What's that quote? For evil to prevail, good men just have to keep their mouth shut....
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Corilee Williams
6/7/2016 07:40:54 am
I always think, what if it was my child, would I want to know. What if it was YOUR child, would you want to know. And the answer to that is always YES! You don't know if he has sought treatment, sought forgiveness, and even if he has, does it mean he won't reoffend? You don't need to shout it from the rooftops (I don't know, maybe you do), but the other parents involved certainly need to be quietly told, and if they choose to continue the friendship, then at least they have all the information. The kids come first -- always.
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Welcome aboard! Life with QuadrupletsAs a mother of quadruplets, I've had plenty of crazy experiences raising "supertwins." I blog a lot of memories about my kids. Sometimes just my thoughts on things. I get those sometimes—when my brain works. Which is about one third of the time. Archives
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